This article contains spoilers for the Netflix drama Adolescence.
Netflix’s hit TV show Adolescence is serving as a stark reminder that while you can be a good parent, and across what your child is up to at school, there is a third element of young people’s lives that remains largely out of reach – and that’s what they do online.
The show follows the chilling case of 13-year-old Jamie, played by teen actor Owen Cooper, who is arrested on suspicion of murdering his classmate, Katie.
A lot happens over the four-part series – which touches on a range of themes, from struggling school systems and family dynamics, to masculinity and the rise of online misogyny – but it all culminates in us discovering that Jamie is guilty.
TikTok creator Carys explained in a recent video how one scene from the show was particularly “terrifying”, in which Jamie’s father (played by Stephen Graham) turns to his wife (Christine Tremarco) and they try to figure out where they went wrong.
The duo parented their daughter and son the same way, yet here they are, watching as the latter is incarcerated for an atrocious and violent crime.
The content creator added that “the influence you have in the home is nothing compared to the influence that your children will face from the online world and from external sources like school, friendship groups, etc”.
And she’s right. Much of this is out of parents’ control – and that in itself is very hard to come to terms with.
Criminal defence lawyer Rebecca Smart, who specialises in youth crime, said she “frequently” watches parents blame themselves for the fact their child is facing a criminal allegation.
It’s not unheard of for them to say “we should have seen the signs”, “we should have had more rules” or “we should have had better internet security”, said the lawyer.
Yet “it is rare that I have thought my client would have avoided a police station situation if their parents had only done something differently,” she added.
“There are too many risk factors in the climate we live in today to be able to control and prevent all of them.”
Is there any way parents can take back some control when it comes to teens online?
Ofcom data suggests children as young as five are increasingly present online, and a third of five- to seven-year-olds use social media unsupervised. Kids aged eight to 17 spend anywhere between two and five hours a day online.
Adolescence is a “loud realisation that social media is co-parenting our kids”, author and therapist Tasha Bailey told HuffPost UK.
Understandably, lots of young people are turning to the internet to search for answers to their questions around identity, self-worth and mental health.
And this isn’t always a bad thing, as the therapist said social media can be a “positive and helpful resource”.
But, of course, there are darker parts that we don’t want our children to find themselves in.
The TV show’s writer Jack Thorne explained in a piece for the Guardian: “Put 3,000 kids in the same situation and they wouldn’t do what he [Jamie] did. Yet spend any time on forums on 4chan or Reddit, spend any time on most social media platforms and you end up, quite quickly, in some dark spaces.”
One survey from children’s commissioner Dame Rachel de Souza and her team found half of 13-year-olds had seen “hardcore, misogynistic” pornographic material on social media.
By now, we all know that social media isn’t going anywhere. So, Bailey believes parents need to instead “learn to work with it” at home. “Create a culture where social media is integrated into family life in a healthy way, rather than ignoring or banning it,” she said.
“Take an interest in their relationship with social media and who they follow, without invading their space.”
And practice what you preach when it comes to having a healthy relationship with tech, as “when we set better boundaries with phones and social media, our children will follow suit,” said Bailey. Think about having no-tech zones in your home – whether that’s at the dinner table or before bed.
Having conversations about the pros and cons of the digital world can also help. “There’s a lot to navigate – online harm, cyberbullying, toxic influencers – and it can feel overwhelming to keep up,” said the therapist.
“Having open and honest conversations about these challenges as a family can be a relief not just for you, but also for young people trying to make sense of it all on their own.”
If you want some conversation pointers on talking specifically about misogyny and online influencers with them, check out this helpful guide by PHSE teacher Will Howell-Harte.
“Having open and honest conversations about these challenges as a family can be a relief not just for you, but also for young people trying to make sense of it all on their own.”
Having a focus on being honest and keeping the lines of dialogue open can also help you to become your child’s safe space.
Yes, most teens would likely shudder at the thought of you being their closest confidant, but if you avoid judging them when they tell you things as they grow up, then the hope is that if something major does happen, they’ll come to you about it.
“If you want to be the first person your child turns to with questions or concerns, you need to earn that trust,” said Bailey.
“Being consistently open, non-judgmental, playful, and curious will help them feel comfortable coming to you when they feel lost. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but there is power in apologising and taking accountability for any mistakes along the way.”
And lastly, if you’re genuinely concerned about your child’s social media usage, there are parental controls available on most major social media apps. Internet Matters has a helpful guide for setting controls across a range of platforms including TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram. You can also set parental controls via your internet service provider.
“This could include setting daily screen time limits on how often they can use a particular platform, filtering out sensitive or specific content, and family pairing,” Bailey said, advising parents to have a discussion with their child about their concerns first and answer any questions they might have.
Under the Online Safety Act, UK tech firms now have a legal responsibility to keep children safer online and to provide parents and their kids with clear ways to report problems when they do face them.
Children will be better protected from online pornography and content promoting self-harm or suicide. But it’s not clear how it will tackle the more subtle, yet pervasive, tendrils of misogyny.
Ultimately, while parents can make changes at home, it’s clear we need as much help as we can get as we face-off with the behemoth that is social media, the internet, and the darker forces at work there.
As Jack Thorne said: “Parents can try to regulate this, schools can stop mobile phone access but more needs to be done.”
All four episodes of Adolescence are streaming now on Netflix.
#Adolescence #Shows #Part #Teens #Lives #Control
Leave a Reply