In a recent Saturday Night Live sketch which made a political parody of The White Lotus, cast member Sarah Sherman wore large fake teeth and affected an extreme British accent while mimicking Aimee Lou Wood’s character, Chelsea.
“I did find the SNL thing mean and unfunny,” the actor posted on her Instagram story the day after the show aired.
“Yes, take the piss for sure – that’s what the show is about – but there must be a cleverer, more nuanced, less cheap way?”.
Many of us might have rolled our eyes in sympathy at SNL’s parody of the celebrated actor; loads of us have been the victims of overreaching “banter” that hurts far more than it humours.
But that imaginary boundary can be difficult to judge. So, we spoke to experts about where making fun of our loved ones ends; and where bullying, disguised as “having a laugh,” begins.
“The line between banter and insult is not about the topic, it’s about the impact”
Dr Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, a licenced psychologist and CEO of Dr Cynthia Edwards-Hawver and associates, said “Humour is only healthy when it’s mutual. The line between banter and insult is not about the topic, it’s about the impact.
“Does it build connection, or does it chip away at someone’s sense of safety or self-worth?”
That can be hard to gauge, but in general, the expert said, “I always tell my clients: anything that targets your body, your intelligence, your parenting, or your past, especially if it’s something you’ve already said makes you uncomfortable, is off-limits.
“And if someone keeps ‘joking’ about it anyway” – as those making fun of Aimeee’s teeth, which she has said she’s tired of talking about, have done – “That’s not teasing. That’s a pattern. That’s a way of holding power while pretending it’s playful.”
“The line between funny and disrespectful is thin”
Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts, also known as the “golden rules gal,” told HuffPost UK: “Think of it like this: when humour makes others laugh at your partner, not with them, it’s not humour – it’s humiliation.”
Unsurprisingly, the expert has some, well, golden rules for deciding where you can (and can’t) go with jokes.
Her five no-go areas are “intelligence, finances, intimacy, family, and appearance” – “Jokes about weight, ageing, or hair loss are unkind and unattractive,” she shared.
It’s not that “banter” can never be welcome – both experts agree that friends, couples, and family can genuinely enjoy a witty exchange at their expense – but, as Aimee said, a personal comment that is both too hurtful for the recipient to enjoy and frankly too tired to be funny is unlikely to qualify.
#Aimee #Lou #Woods #Bad #Banter #CallOut
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