Parents like this poster to Mumsnet feel disappointed that their parents aren’t as present in their grandchildren’s lives as they had expected.
But in this TikTok, a Gen X grandmother argued: “It’s not that grandparents are unwilling to watch their grandchildren – it’s that grandparents are still working full-time.”
With both the cost of living and the cost of childcare staying sky-high, it’s no wonder tensions are building between parents and their family members who simply feel too rushed off their feet to step in.
Indeed a poster to Reddit’s r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) says that it’s tearing her relationship with her sister apart.
So, we asked licensed clinical social worker and therapist at Epiphany Wellness, Stephenie Lewis, how much is too much when it comes to leaning on family members for childcare.
The Redditor’s sister made an ill-advised remark
Poster
says that her sister has three kids (a six-year-old, a four-year-old, and a two-year-old).
“She’s always asking me to babysit for free, and I usually do it because I love my nieces and nephew,” the Redditor wrote.
“But lately, I feel like she’s been taking advantage of me.”
Apparently, the post author was enjoying a family dinner when her sister joked to their mother that she “doesn’t have a life.”
“I laughed it off at first, but she kept going, making jokes about how I’m ‘basically a live-in nanny’ and how she’s doing me a favour by giving me ‘something to do,’” the site user added.
The Redditor has since decided to stop doing any childcare at all for their sister, despite the parent’s “fury.”
The question can’t be answered with a number
Speaking to HuffPost UK, Lewis said: “It is usual for families to help each other out when it comes to childcare; in many cases, it can be a positive thing.
“However, the key is to feel fair and appreciated – not like one person is constantly being relied on while the other assumes they will always say yes.”
It’s not so much about how many hours spent taking care of kids or who does what for whom, she adds, but about who feels “entitled” to the other’s time and who may feel used and unappreciated.
“The real problem here is not just about babysitting – it is about respect,” she wrote.
“If you are always saying yes out of guilt or obligation, that is not family helping each other; that is one person being taken for granted.”
If you find yourself regularly feeling obliged to take care of a relative’s kids in a way that you don’t feel you can sustain, it’s important to set a clear boundary with no apologies.
“The key is consistency,” Lewis told us.
“If someone keeps pushing after hearing no, standing firm is the best way to get them to take the boundary seriously. Setting limits does not mean you are being rude or uncaring – it just means you are making sure your time and needs are respected, too.”
#Fair #Rely #Family #Childcare
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