There comes a time in every parent’s life when their child starts to question everything.
You mention something and their reaction is: why? Then you explain why that is, and they ask again. They dig deeper and deeper, until you realise you actually have no idea why soil is brown, and you simply respond, a little exasperated: “I don’t know.”
If you’re stuck in the depths of the why?! phase then, first of all, solidarity.
Secondly, therapists have revealed a handy phrase you can respond with when you’re deep in the “why?!” cycle – and parents on social media are loving the tip.
Why do kids say ‘why?’ a lot
Before we talk about how to respond, it might help to think about the reasons behind why (sorry) children ask their parents for more information.
In short: they’re trying to discover more about the world we live in.
Clinical psychologist Linda Blair told the BBC that around the age of two or three, connections are being formed in their brains about how certain things are categorised or how one thing can lead to another thing happening.
Once this clicks into place, they want to know more and they obviously realise that the best way to find out more is to ask you – their parent – about this.
Blair said this incessant questioning usually happens around the ages of three and four – and the reasons behind it are actually quite sweet.
“Firstly, they want you to clarify and explain things to them so that they can make predictions about the world and what will happen within it. Just like adults, children are most afraid when they’re not sure what is going to happen,” Blair said.
And secondly, they get excited to share things they’re interested in with you and “by sharing an interest with you, they feel valued, and that also grows their self-esteem”.
How to respond when a child keeps asking ‘why?’
Deena Margolin, a family therapist who shares helpful parenting tips on the popular Instagram account Big Little Feelings, urged caregivers to respond to kids with the question: “Why do you think?”
“You’re empowering them to pause, build self-awareness by looking inside, and notice their own thoughts and opinions,” said Margolin in a reel.
“And you’re still staying connected in the relationship with them because you’re not totally shutting them down or ignoring them.”
The therapist added that parents would “be surprised how well this works” and caveated that this obviously isn’t the way to respond every time your child asks “why?” but it can help to give you a break from the cycle every now and then.
Linda Blair also suggested this phrase as a good way to get a better idea of what your child really wants to know. She offered the example of if it’s raining and they ask why it rains.
“Maybe what they really want to know isn’t the literal reason why it’s raining. Maybe it’s what they should wear when it’s raining? Or if they are allowed to run around in the rain?” she added.
While some parents swear by this technique (“yessss we do this and it’s so beautiful watching her process and come to whatever conclusion,” said one person in response to Margolin’s Instagram post), it’s worth noting that sometimes it doesn’t quite have the desired effect.
As one poor parent found out: “Mine replies ‘you tell me’ and we bat it back and forth until I give up.”
#React #Kids #Wont #Stop
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