DEAR DEIDRE: A FEMALE holiday rep who helped me find my drunk mate on his stag weekend took me to bed afterwards.
My girlfriend is 29 and knows something happened.
I’m a 30-year-old guy and never thought I would cheat, but a lads’ holiday changed all that.
Twelve of us went off to Portugal for golf and the nightlife.
The groom and I work together as decorators — and on the first night, he got absolutely hammered then disappeared.
As best man, I had promised to look after him, and when I was searching for him I ran into the rep we had talked to on our arrival at the resort. She’s 27 years old and very pretty.
She helped me track down my mate to one of the bathrooms in the resort. He was really out of it, so we put him to bed — and I then went back to her room.
She offered me a drink and we chatted for a while, then we kissed and had sex in her bed.
I thought it was just one night of heaven and no one would know, but when I got home, I couldn’t shake her from my mind. I messaged her and she replied.
Later, she would come home to the UK to see family and we met in hotels.
I told my girlfriend I was away trying to get contracts — but I had taken time off work to be with my lover.
My girlfriend then saw a text from her and I lied, saying it was only a one-night stand.
She is upset but wants us to work things out. The truth is, I’m not sure she’s The One.
I talked to my best mate about how he knew that his wife was right for him, and he said: “You just know.” I’m trying, but still drawn to my lover.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are thinking about the sex, not real life. Would a future with your holiday lover realistically work?
Cheating wasn’t right, but going through the motions with your girlfriend isn’t fair if your heart isn’t in it.
Have a break from your lover while you think about what you want.
My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, shows you where to find good therapy.
If you can’t give your girlfriend 100 per cent, it’s only fair to tell her your relationship has run its course. My support pack, Ending A Relationship, will help.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
WAYS TO AROUSE A BLOKE
DEAR DEIDRE: HOW do women learn to be good in bed? Is it from watching porn or do they just pick it up as they go along?
I’m a female of 20 and I worry I’m rubbish at sex.
I really want to give my boyfriend pleasure, but feel shy and inhibited.
He is 25 and he seems much more experienced than I am. I haven’t had an orgasm yet, but he is so patient and loving.
There’s a mental block always stopping me from initiating sex.
It’s so embarrassing. I might want it, but I don’t know how to say this.
Can you help me to not feel so timid around him, and take the lead sometimes?
DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, of course. Sex doesn’t come with a manual – but rather than worrying you’re doing something wrong, think about making it fun and having a giggle if things don’t go to plan. It shouldn’t be too serious.
My support pack, Understanding Male Pleasure, will help you.
My pack, Understanding Female Pleasure, can also give you a better idea of what may work for your own satisfaction.
You can then tell your boyfriend what to do, saying, “touch me here”, or just guide his hand to those erogenous zones to help you feel aroused.
I WORRY I’LL BE NEXT ONE CHEATED ON
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend still talks to the exes that he cheated on. I’m so scared he’ll cheat on me, too.
We are both 22 and met at university. His parents live near my home town and it turned out he knew a friend of mine. I talked to her and she said he’d cheated on his last girlfriend and, apparently, the one before her, too.
Our relationship is perfect, with lots of sex, laughs and good times.
When I asked him about this ex, who my friend had mentioned, he admitted to cheating on her but said it was amicable and they still talked.
He said that his last three girlfriends were still friends through Instagram and he showed me their pictures. They’re gorgeous.
I can’t help feeling jealous and worried he may cheat on me now.
DEIDRE SAYS: His exes may be gorgeous, but they’re history. They’ve probably moved on, too.
Explain to your boyfriend that you’re the loyal kind, so if he’s feeling something isn’t right, he must say and you’ll do the same.
Themix.org.uk (0808 808 4994), which helps people under 25, has a Love Smart section where you can explore your confidence issues.
DREAM ‘CAREER’ IS JUST A BIG FIB
DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE told my family I’m busy training to be a paramedic – but the truth is that I’m a hospital ward clerk.
I’ve always been a liar, but this is the first time I’ve ever admitted it to anyone.
I’m a 22-year-old male and would love to be part of an ambulance crew. So when a position came up in my local hospital, I lied, saying I was training to do that.
My job gives me enough know-how to talk to my parents about medical things, but they think I’m in a classroom learning how to treat emergencies and save lives.
The truth is, I tell the medical staff how many beds are available on the hospital ward. My friends believe I’m training, too – and my mum even said how very proud she was of me, tagging me on her social media so everyone thinks I’ve started a great career.
I’ve lied all my life. I used to fib to school friends about where I’d been on holiday, and I told them I’d put in for my driving test even though I’d only had two lessons.
I don’t know why I do it.
I’m going to have to come clean soon when my parents expect to be invited along to my graduation ceremony. Can you help me?
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s not too late to train for this career you think you’d love. Some people do have a degree behind them, but some start out as an apprentice.
Have a look at healthcareers.nhs.uk to find out more about what options are open to you going forward.
Try to secure the job you want and tell your parents you’re starting again in a new role – this time being honest.
Lying comes from lack of confidence. It helps you to feel valued. But actually, you’d probably find that people still think the same of you if you can be yourself. Make today the day when you embrace honesty.
My support pack, called Raising Self Esteem, will help.
#cheated #girlfriend #holiday #rep #pals #stag #weekend
Leave a Reply