WHEN Sarah Button lost her boyfriend Jay a few years ago, she wanted to find a way to keep him with her all the time.
However, having a photo in her wallet or having his ashes popped into a necklace simply wouldn’t cut it.
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The influencer, 26, who lives in Brisbane, Australia, wanted to still explore intimate moments with him even though he was now in the afterlife.
And what better way to do so than create a sex toy with Jay’s ashes inside.
Sarah and Jay first met as teenagers in high school and found their relationship instantly blossomed.
“We were super close friends and we turned into high school sweethearts,” Sarah remembers.
“We were very much joined at the hip during that time.
“Our families were well integrated and then we ended up travelling together as well as living together – we were rarely apart.”
Sarah says Jay’s death in 2017 after a long battle with a terminal illness was enormously painful to her.
“Things went really belly up for a while,” she admits.
“Even though it wasn’t sudden, it still was shocking.
“I have never experienced anything like that before or since, it was like learning to breathe again.
“People say grief is day by day, this felt like second by second just getting through it.
“Sometimes I still wake up and think it’s a dream even just for a moment and then the grief comes again.”
‘Strong sexual connection’
Sarah says the sex toy is a fitting tribute to her relationship with Jay as that was a ‘fixation’ in their relationship.
“We had a strong sexual connection,” Sarah explains.
“We were each other’s firsts which meant there was a lot of exploring and trial and error as well as growth.
“It was an intense journey of personal discovery for both of us.
“I guess you could say it was a huge fixation for a while. And then that part was just a constant in our relationship.”
The sex toy was actually Jay’s idea, with her late boyfriend having the word ‘forever’ engraved on the silver device.
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“He fully designed (the toy) and he left it in his will that some of his ashes were left in there,” she says.
Sarah now uses the sex toy regularly while filming adult content as part of her camming day job, something she was keen to keep her late boyfriend a part of.
For Sarah, having Jay in such a portable form has meant that she is able to take him with her wherever she goes and help him live out his travelling dreams.
“I can take him [my late boyfriend] with me to places we only ever dreamed of going,” she says.
“My life has changed a lot, and I wish he were here to see it, but I’m glad I get to take him with me to places like the Great Barrier Reef and concerts of bands he loved.”
He fully designed (the toy) and he left it in his will that some of his ashes were left in there
Sarah Button
But having Jay accompany her far and wide does not come without its issues.
Sarah was left heartbroken when airport security almost confiscated her sentimental item while travelling to Dubai a few years ago.
The 26-year-old had inserted it when she walked through security, only for it to show up on the body scanner.
“I absolutely panicked,” she says.
“I’ve never seen on a customs form where to put these things and that just seemed the best way to go about things.
“It worked really well until it didn’t.”
To prove it was practical, she brought up videos of her using her toy to show airport security.
She said: “I had an issue going through LAX once where I was held, but only for a few hours.
“And I now have to go through Singapore for any layovers instead.”
Where to seek grief support
Need professional help with grief?
You’re Not Alone
Check out these books, podcasts and apps that all expertly navigate grief…
- Griefcast: Cariad Lloyd interviews comedians on this award-winning podcast.
- The Madness Of Grief by Rev Richard Coles (£9.99, W&N): The Strictly fave writes movingly on losing his husband David to alcoholism.
- Terrible, Thanks For Asking: Podcast host Nora McInerny encourages non-celebs to share how they’re really feeling.
- Good Mourning by Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn (£14.99, Murdoch Books): A guide for people who’ve suffered sudden loss, like the authors who both lost their mums.
- Grief Works: Download this for daily meditations and expert tips.
- How To Grieve Like A Champ by Lianna Champ (£3.99, Red Door Press): A book for improving your relationship with death.
Sarah is now hoping to offer her own post-cremation service, giving people the chance to see their loved ones who have passed turned into a sex toy.
Sarah says: “I’m working on offering a post cremation experience, where people can request their ashes to be sent to me and honoured in such ways like a butt plug or some other types of sex toys, or even just urns.
“A lot of people die alone, very sad, so it’s nice to have a thought that someone, somewhere, is honouring you in the afterlife.”
The requests are helping Sarah in her own life, too; offering a creative outlet.
She explains: “It’s quickly become my full-time job.
Future boyfriends would be made aware of my sex toy, it’s part of me
Sarah Button
“My day-to-day involves looking after animals, going to the gym and then spending the entire day chatting with men online.
“It’s really quite nice and a great creative outlet.”
“I will also give them advice on where they can improve themselves. I fill up bathtubs regularly with oil and splash about. It’s something that really turns people on.
“I don’t say yes to everything, only the stuff I’m comfortable with. If there’s anything involving blood or something that might hurt someone, I’m out.”
Sarah believes her late lover would be proud of all she’s achieved with her now full-time job that’s seen her make £5 million to date.
“I could see him packaging things up for me and helping me with whacky ideas.
“He was such a mastermind. If he was here, I just know that would be the case.”
And Sarah says that any future boyfriends would be well informed about her late lover’s presence.
“Future boyfriends would be made aware,” she says.
“I’ve had one since and he was fine with it. It’s a part of me at this point.”
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