Movies and TV shows long flaunted the power of epic romantic gestures. But anyone who’s been in a relationship IRL knows that these “thousand yellow daisies” and bleachers serenade moments are not feasible in everyday life, at least not all the time.
That doesn’t mean we can’t display our love and affection in other ways. Enter: “micromance.”
So what exactly does this dating phenomenon entail and are there any downsides? Below, relationship experts break it down.
What does ‘micromance’ mean?
“Micromance is all about the small, meaningful acts that build connection,” dating coach Sabrina Zohar told HuffPost. “It’s not grand gestures or expensive dates ― it’s remembering the little things, showing up consistently, being emotionally present.”
She emphasised that real love is “in the details,” rather than the sweeping drama of big romantic moments. These small acts of kindness nurture connection.
“Micromancing is the small, everyday acts of love that remind your partner how much you truly care about them,” said April Davis, the founder of Luma Luxury Matchmaking. “It’s sending them a sweet text during a hectic day at work, surprising them with breakfast from their favourite spot, or leaving them a little love note taped to the fridge. These small gestures are what really build intimacy, trust and emotional connection over time.”
Grand displays can sometimes feel meaningless, especially if they come shortly after you’ve met someone. Being wined and dined at an expensive restaurant on your first date and then gifted a fancy piece of jewellery might be fun, but it also might feel showy, over-the-top and insincere.
“Simple, thoughtful acts show genuine care,” said dating expert Andrea McGinty. “These gestures are often early indicators of meaningful relationships.”
She offered the example of someone who mentions to her new partner that she’s never played pickleball but is interested in trying it out sometime. The next weekend, her partner surprises her with a pickleball set and offers to teach her how to play. A thoughtful significant other might order pizza and lend a hand with packing for an apartment move or pick out a special date night movie based on your favourite actor.
“Actions like these build connection and intimacy,” McGinty said. “For example, Sue’s boyfriend of two months quietly noticed how busy she was. He filled her car with gas and took it to a car wash. She knew he truly cared when he asked, ‘Is there anything else I can help with to make your life easier?’ That’s micromance.”
What are the benefits?
“Micromances are a great way of showing that your love is authentic and consistent,” said dating coach and relationship expert James Preece. “You’re taking time out of your day to make your partner feel special, so it’s a great act of kindness.”
In addition to showing your partner that you’re thinking of them consistently, these gestures offer a relatively low-cost and low-output way to remind them how important they are to you. Love lies in personal touches, not price tags.
“It’s a very inexpensive way of connecting and showing appreciation, and it’s something you can do every day spontaneously,” Preece said.
Indeed, life doesn’t always allow for fancy dinner dates, surprise parties and weekend getaways. But you can still make your partner and relationship a priority.
“The beauty of micromance is that it makes romance possible anytime, anywhere,” Davis said. “Grand gestures are wonderful, but they aren’t always realistic. Not everyone can plan lavish trips or expensive gifts around a tight budget, work projects, and child care. Micromancing helps couples rekindle their spark and feel valued in the everyday chaos of life.”
These kinds of thoughtful actions can also create emotional safety, which is important for keeping relationships healthy.
“Our nervous systems don’t bond through big moments ― they bond through repetition and reliability,” Zohar said. “The ‘I got you’ texts, the small check-ins, the quiet consistency — that’s what builds long-term intimacy. Not the once-a-year romantic trip, but the daily ‘I see you.’”
If previous relationships or experiences in a present relationship have damaged your sense of trust, micromance can offer the consistency you need to rebuild that mutual respect and assurance.
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“For partners who enjoy a constant drip of affection, who may feel their partner’s absence more intensely with long periods of time, this can create a sense of safety and understanding that the energy between you always remains the same,” said Joy Berkheimer, a relationship therapist and chief sexologist at the Sexual Wellness Awards.
While social media might be full of extravagant displays of romance and epic dating moments, we know that these are often examples of harmful trends like “love bombing.” That’s why Zohar welcomes a return to basics with simple sincerity.
“It’s a long-overdue shift,” she said. “For too long we’ve romanticised chaos, intensity, and emotional unavailability. Micromance redefines love in a grounded, nervous-system-safe way. It’s not lowering the bar ― it’s raising the standard for what real, sustainable intimacy looks like.”
Are there any downsides?
Micromance is not a silver bullet solution to relationship problems or a stand-in for other forms of intimacy, however.
“If these small gestures are used instead of big gestures or even deeper emotional connection, this can cause bigger issues,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Hannah Reeves. “In some instances, these small acts can also be used to mask deeper concerns and can provide a false sense of security. ”
Although reminding people that love is in the small details is great, she advised against letting micromance replace meaningful communication and deeper relationship work. Don’t let the affection be one-sided, either.
“The biggest risk is giving micromance to someone who’s not giving it back,” Zohar said. “You can’t breadcrumb yourself into a relationship by over-functioning or over-giving. And sometimes people use the language of micromance to justify low effort ― ‘Well, I texted good morning, isn’t that enough?’ No. Intention matters. Consistency matters. Mutuality matters.”
You also need to make sure your small gestures are personal, genuinely taking into account your partner’s interests and love language.
“Micromance can actually lead to feeling unseen, ” said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specialising in couples and family therapy. “If one partners does the things they would want done for them, or whatever feels easiest in the moment, it may result in the partner not receiving it as an act of love and connection ― it may feel like the minimum to check the box.”
And while a thoughtful forehead kiss or special coffee treat in the morning can show real affection and consideration, so can a big 40th birthday party or an important conversation about family goals.
“If you have to trade it out for surprise gifts or events, partners who love being ‘caught off guard’ with passion may start to feel bored or interpret this as a lack of care,” Berkheimer noted.
Basically, you don’t want to let small gestures replace big ones.
“If micromancing becomes the only type of romance in a relationship, it can create huge gaps between partners over time,” Davis said. “Yes, the little things matter, but most people still want their partner to go the extra mile every now and then. You should still be planning date nights and writing love letters when you can. Micromance is supposed to serve as a complement to grand gestures, not replace them.”
Ultimately a balance of both big and small shows of romance is key.
“For couples who live busy lives and rarely get time alone together, micromancing can provide those little moments of love to carry them through the day,” Davis said. “As long as both partners are still making time for deeper intimacy and more thoughtful acts of love, micromancing is a wonderful, weekday complement to traditional romance.”
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