You might’ve jokily branded your youngest sibling “the favourite” over the years after witnessing them getting away with murder.
But what if we told you that, actually, your parents might just have a favourite.
New research from Brigham Young University (BYU) suggests younger siblings generally receive more favourable treatment from parents.
But while that may seem unfair, the research found older siblings are often granted more autonomy, and parents are less controlling towards them as they grow up.
Off the back of the study, lead researcher and BYU School of Family Life professor Alex Jensen urged parents to “be aware of the patterns that could be happening in your family”.
“When parents are aware, they can make small adjustments that benefit everyone,” he added.
What else did the study find?
Researchers looked at data from more than 19,000 individuals, drawing from a wide range of published and unpublished sources.
They discovered parents tended to favour daughters slightly more than sons and personality played a big role.
Children who were thought of as agreeable and responsible, regardless of birth order or gender, generally received more favourable treatment.
“Most parents probably connect more easily with one child over another, whether that be due to personality, birth order, gender or other things like shared interests,” Jensen said.
But he urged parents to be aware of those patterns. “Pay attention to how your children react to things that could be perceived as favouritism,” he added.
Why is it important to acknowledge these patterns?
In a YouGov poll from 2020, one in 10 parents openly admitted to having a favourite child, while over a third of people said their parents had favourites.
Parents with two children mostly (62%) preferred the youngest, echoing this latest body of research – only 30% said they preferred the eldest.
Jensen has conducted past research which found children who felt less favoured by their parents were more likely to experience poor mental health and to engage in problematic behaviour at home or school.
“Keep an eye out for things that seem unfair. Your children will let you know if they think something is unfair,” said Jensen.
“Pay attention to them when they make that known. Either they are missing perspective and understanding, or you need to make some changes in your parenting. Make sure you are open to the latter.”
And if you do have a favourite, it’s probably best to keep that to yourself – the YouGov poll found over a third of people who believed their parents had a favourite said it had permanently damaged family ties.
Jensen added: “We’re not suggesting parents feel guilty; instead, parents can look at this research and use it as encouragement to look at places where they can improve, without going to extremes.”
He urged parents to spend time with their children and do things together that you all like to do, as “time together doing a variety of things will have many positive benefits”.
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